I wish I didn't enjoy/NEED sleep so much!

I had a cup (actually 2) of coffee with french vanilla creamer today for the first time in over 10 months!!  It's amazing what I feel like with a little caffeine in me.  It's amazing how much more energy I have.  It's amazing how much better I feel- with just those 2 small cups loaded with fuel!!  I had forgotten what that felt like.  I was a caffeine-aholic before I got pregnant with Jaclyn.  I drank half a pot of coffee a day, and then went on to diet coke and went through the day ready for war.  Then pregnancy came- I cut out the coffee, cut back on the diet cokes, and I've been a walking zombie ever since.  Add that to the mommy of a newborn comatose state- and that pretty much sums of a picture of me!!  BUT today, I feel great.  Today, is a day that I HAD to have.  Today was a caffeine MUST!!  And what does caffeine do to me- it allows me to blog during nap time, instead of running to the couch with a baby on my chest as soon as I shut the door to Jaycee's room for her nap. 

I've been wanting to blog SO MUCH lately.  I have so many things I want to remember, so many things that I want to share- yet as soon as I get 10 minutes- my first thought is, "can I fall asleep and get a cat nap in this much time??"  I WISH I DIDN'T ENJOY SLEEP SO MUCH.  I wish I didn't NEED sleep so much!!  You know those friends you have that can stay up all night long, and then go through the day like it's nothing- I'm SO envious of those friends of mine.  The ones that stay up to clean after their newborn goes to sleep for the night.  The ones that stay up doing crafts until 2 am, and are still able to function fine when their day starts at 6am.  I'm so jealous.  ME?  I'm panicking if I can't get Jaclyn to sleep by 11pm, b/c I know besides the middle of the night feedings, Jaycee is up rearing to go at 6am!  7 HOURS, minus 30 minutes here and there for a feeding, and another 15 to get her good and back asleep to lay down- oh my gosh, I'm going to die!!!  That's the thoughts that go through my head at 11pm.  Complete panic counting down how much time I HOPEFULLY have before I wake up to do it all over again! 

If I was selfish, I would have given up breastfeeding a long time ago to have that "morning joe" every morning.  To have the energy everyday that I do today.  It's tempting, it's VERY tempting, but then I look at my little girl with HORRIBLE acid reflux, and knowing how easy breastmilk (without caffeine) is on her little belly, and not knowing what formula would do to her little belly- i.just.can't------YET!  (But the day is coming!)

I look back on these past 7 weeks (YES, SHE'S 7 WEEKS OLD NOW!!  AHHH!!), and I feel exhausted just reminiscing them.  It's surreal how much time has gone, and how little of sleep one can function off of.  DON'T GET ME WRONG, she's a wonderful baby.  She usually wakes to eat 1 or 2 times in the night, and then goes instantly back to sleep.  I cannot complain about HER sleep.  But I'm not just on her sleep schedule.  I've got another sleep schedule to work with!!  That's why I've wanted to blog so much, because I feel like in the hustle and bustle, and the exhaustion, and the busy'ness of what our everyday life is now, I'm going to forget the little things.  Forget some of the funny comments, or what we are going through at this exact time.  I'm hoping now to get caught up. 

As I sat in my bed nursing last night, I went back through some pictures I've been taking on my phone, b/c as of lately, I don't even grab the nice camera, life happens too fast right now, for me to say "hold on" while I go and get it!!  But as I was looking at the pictures, I was reminded of what I would be missing if I wasn't so sleep deprived right now. 

I wouldn't have this BEAUTIFUL BABY....

I wouldn't have this beautiful, healthy, energetic toddler....

I wouldn't be able to enoy those "proud mommy/wife" moments watching Josh be such a good daddy...

I WOULD be using this a lot more, instead of it looking like this....

I wouldn't be making Friday night movie night memories with Jaycee...

I wouldn't get a date night with my husband...



I wouldn't have any fun, happy pictures with my girlies....

And if I was sleeping, I wouldn't be able to enjoy EVERY SECOND of watching them sleep on me...

Because as tired as I have been, these are the moments that I DON'T want to forget.  These are the moments WORTH staying up for!! 

So CHEERS to the no makeup, the messy house, the sleepy eyes, the dirty laundry, the 2am and 4 am feedings, the days in a row in pjs, and my INABILITY to function on little sleep!! Cheers with a caffeine- free diet coke, that is!! Because they're only this dependent on me for such a small time, and I'm not wasting it- sleeping!!